Are you guys just gonna watch TV all day?
Come on, Ashley, this is for school.
Our spokesmodel winner is Randy!
- Yes! - I knew she was going to win.
I know you two haven't had dates in a while...
but how desperate can you get?
I know how desperate I can get. How about you, Carlton?
Sky's the limit.
I better go lock up my Barbies.
I don't know, Carlton.
It sure has been a long time since I had a girl.
Tell me about it.
Last Friday, the school nurse started looking good to me.
Yeah, something about how them fat ankles...
roll over them squeaky white shoes.
Will you two get ready for dinner? This girl is going to be here any minute.
Girl?
Kayla Samuels.
She's a scholarship student, and she has so much potential.
She just needs to be pointed in the right direction.
- What's she like? - She's a lovely girl.
Red flag.
Yo, what's up?
Mom's speaking the secret code of mothers everywhere.
When she says, "lovely girl" that means "get out the Milk Bones."
Please. I'm just looking out for her.
I want you and Will to make her feel welcome.
We will.
Besides, she's a darling girl with a nice personality.
I know that one.
What one?
Nice personality means she's protected by Greenpeace.
What I meant was, Kayla's a very interesting girl.
She was a National Merit Scholar, captain of her math team...
and president of her high school's French club.
There you have it. We wouldn't have nothing to talk about.
I'm not that good at math and I don't speak no French.
Miss Kayla Samuels.
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
So, Kayla, I understand you're from New York?
- That's right. - I love New York.
Fifth Avenue, the Plaza Hotel, Trump Tower.
- Where abouts are you from? - Harlem.
Is it nice?
Kayla was valedictorian of her high school.
Then we have a lot in common. We're both honor students.
But we have more in common.
We're both attractive human beings of normal height.
- Dinner is served. - Thank you, Geoffrey.
So who's that English dude?
Geoffrey? He's down with my posse.
He cuts a nice fade, so I keep him around.
Don't that make you large.
Will, what are you trying to do?
When you grow up, we'll have to have that little talk.
Don't make me laugh. You won't reach first base with her.
To borrow a phrase from your street lingo...
she just hits you with a pretty hard disk.
The word is "diss."
I don't care whether it's diss, dat, or the other thing.
She goes to college. She's not a girl, she's a woman.
They don't go out with high school boys.
Look, maybe not out here, but Kayla and I are both straight out the 'hood.
Where we come from age don't make no difference.
17, 21, 33, they're all in the same grade.
I have to say that your Shakespeare class is my favorite course this semester.
- What's your favorite play so far? - Henry V.
You know, that's surprising, because sequels tend to be a little disappointing.
Did you happen to catch Rocky V?
Anyway Henry Vreally deals with Shakespeare's most interesting themes.
I've always favored Romeo and Juliet...
which is based on the intellectual superiority...
of servants over those they serve.
My favorite Shakespeare play is King Lear.
The story of a strong, loving father destroyed by his children.
- Hamlet is my favorite. - Really? What's your favorite part?
Mother, are you kidding? Mel Gibson in tights?
Hamlet does have some of Shakespeare's most compelling poetry.
You know, speaking of poetry...
do you know who is a very serious poet?
The Intelligent Hoodlum.
I just got his tape. It's upstairs. Dude be dropping science.
I don't think we're covering him this semester.
You're doing great, Will. Now bring it home.
You know, I went on a school trip to see a musical...
based on a Shakespeare play, Kiss Me, Kate.
That was based on Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew.
In our building in West Philly, we had a wild shrew once.
Just crawling out from under the kitchen sink.
Yo, dude was, like, this big.
Stole a Smithfield ham from my Uncle Leroy.
- I don't want to be rude. - No, go ahead.
I was invited to my English professor's home.
I was enjoying an interesting discussion on Shakespeare.
I did not come to discuss Rocky, rap, and rodents.
If you're doing this for my benefit, I'm sorry, I think it's very juvenile.
And I'm not in high school.
Worked like a charm, Will.
Philip, have you seen my car keys?
How many times do we have to go through this?
Let's retrace your steps. When did you last have them?
- Last night. - Okay. When last night?
When I said, "Yes, Philip, you can borrow my car keys."
Daddy, if you're always losing your keys, you should use my system.
What's that?
I was always losing my car keys...
so I went down to the key store and had 30 copies made.
That way when I lose a key, I always have another one.
And next month, I do the same thing.
That's your system?
Absolutely. I did the same thing with our house key.
You mean, there are copies of our house key all over Los Angeles?
Don't worry, Daddy. I put our name and address on all of them.
Come on. We got to find those car keys.
Kayla's coming any minute. I promised her I'll take her to a poetry reading at USC...
and I don't wanna be late.
No, hold on. Wait. Kayla's coming over here?
I'm out of here. I don't even want to hear that girl's name.
- Fine. We don't have to talk about her. - Good.
You know what my beef with Kayla is?
I thought you didn't want to talk about Kayla?
There's Kayla.
Great. This is great. I'm out of here. I'm leaving.
Miss Kayla Samuels.
We'll leave as soon as we find the car keys.
Maybe we should just drive around town and look for Hilary's keys.
- Kayla. - Yes.
I just want to apologize for my behavior at dinner the other night.
I was kidding around, and I took it a little too far.
That's okay.
I just have one question.
I hope it's not too personal or anything.
What is it?
Have you always been this stuck-up or did it take years of practice?
You calling me stuck-up? You the one that's stuck-up.
- Me? - That's right, my brother...
walking around fronting like you all that.
Excuse me, Miss Madam.
But you're the one fronting like you all that...
when in actuality, you're about that much of that.
You so stuck-up...
your fingers got to make an appointment to scratch your damn head.
- Your mama. - What about my mama?
Your mama's so fat, they showed her a picture of her feet...
and she couldn't identify them.
Okay. You know what? Your mama's so dumb...
she went to the movies. It said, "Under 17 not admitted"...
so she went and got 16 of her friends.
I shouldn't be talking about your mama.
I feel sorry for your mama having such an ugly child.
Say what?
You're so ugly, she tied a pork chop around your neck...
just so the dog would play with you.
You so ugly...
your mama had to feed you with a slingshot.
You so ugly, that ain't a fade on your head...
that's your hair running away from your face.
You so ugly... This is a good one.
You are so ugly that if you...
Damn, baby. You so fine.
I would kiss you but I just had a chilidog.
Happy two-week anniversary, Olive Oyl.
Thank you, Popeye.
These are really pretty. You shouldn't have.
Yeah, that's what my neighbor's gardener said.
Man, look like you been studying with the hardness.
You ever filled your head with so much information...
you felt like it was gonna bust?
No.
But I once got up to the third level of Super Mario Bros...
and, yo, it was hectic up there.
I have a lot more reading to do.
That's cool. Go ahead. I got some stuff to do anyway.
- Will, I'm studying. - So am I.
Damn, I'm almost ready for the test.
Come on, honey. I got a big Shakespeare exam coming up.
All right. Let me help you out.
Okay. All right.
Read me a passage from this book and I'll try to identify the play.
All right. You can't cheat.
- I'll move back. - Here we go.
You are never gonna get this one.
"Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?"
Here we go.
"The weight of this sad time we must obey...
"Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say."
That is...
Albany, Act V, Scene III, King Lear.
Damn, you're good.
Not really.
These children been studying Shakespeare since the ninth grade.
I'm just catching up.
Come on, baby. Stop tripping.
Look, you the smartest girl I ever known.
When you start using them million dollar words...
makes my liver quiver.
Thank you, Will. You're the only boy I've ever been with...
that really appreciates my being sesquipedalian.
Meow, baby.
Hi, Kayla, hi, Will. Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
But I probably am...
Anyhow, I just wanted to pick up my checkbook.
I have to buy a new outfit for the frat party on Saturday.
- Who's throwing a party? - The guys of Sigma Sigma Gamma.
There's gonna be a really cool band and everyone is going to be there.
Come on, baby. That sounds dope. Let's go.
I don't feel like it.
Okay. Bye.
How come you didn't want to go?
I've been to one of those parties. It's like being on the moon or something.
I had nobody to talk to...
and I just left after 10 minutes.
That's all right. Here, come on.
We can go to a party at my fraternity.
Your fraternity?
Yeah, Sigma Fly.
That's right, my dear. I'll be round your place at 8:00.
Wear something daring.
Surprise me.
I'm in a dangerous mood.
I thought we'd light a fire, put on a Tom Jones album...
and after a cognac or two...
test the waters of adventure.
Did you know, my dear, I'm an excellent photographer?
I hope you're not camera-shy.
What?
So the draperies will be ready Thursday?
Goodbye.
So, Will, dating an older woman.
I'm so proud of you.
This is just like Cher and that bagel boy.
When you've got a fantastic woman at your side, you feel like a million bucks.
I've got a splitting headache.
You know, when I have a headache...
Kayla breaks out the baby oil and gives me a strong back rub.
- Then right after that... - I don't want to hear about this.
- I'm going to school. - It doesn't start for an hour.
I know, but sometimes there's a girls' volleyball game in the gym...
and they wear those little shorts...
That's really pitiful, isn't it?
Miss Kayla Samuels.
- Prince. - Hola, princesa.
- You look so good. - Yeah, I know.
- Kayla. - Hi, Professor Banks.
- You weren't in class yesterday. - I had cramps.
I'm really sorry. I've been so busy lately.
But I will be there next time.
So, will I see you tonight at the English department party?
Yes. I'll be there.
Later, baby.
Kayla's been spending a lot of time with you.
You know, Aunt Viv...
I'm sort of like a big old bag of Lay's potato chips.
It's like, once you get a taste, you just can't stop.
You're certainly like a big old bag of something.
Honey, listen to me.
I just read Kayla's Shakespeare exam. It's way below her usual work.
I'm gonna have to give her a "D", and that kills me.
A "D"? Come on. She's real smart.
But she still has to do the work, which she hasn't been doing lately.
That's just one bad grade. It ain't the end the world.
When your grades slip, we ground you and we make sure you get back on track.
If Kayla slips, she loses her scholarship and she doesn't get another chance.
What do you want me to do?
Let her have some time alone for her schoolwork.
Yeah. This is great.
I've been here all these months chasing chicken-headed girls around...
and I finally find a girl that I really like...
and you are telling me I gotta leave her alone?
I know Kayla's special...
but if you care that much about her, you have to be responsible.
Do what's best for her.
Maybe being with me is best for her.
I make her happy.
You know she wasn't fitting in at that place.
I know you wanna make her happy, but this is about her life.
This might be the difference between Dr. Kayla Samuels who runs the hospital...
or just Kayla who cleans it.
- You thirsty? - Yeah.
That's Dr. Kramer. He's one of my professors.
I believe Chaucer said it best:
"Let every fellow tell his tale about...
"And let's see now who shall the supper win. "
And I thought Carlton's come-on lines were funky.
- Hello, Will, Kayla. - Hi, Professor Banks.
Kayla, don't feel obligated to stay at this party. It's strictly optional.
So if you have work to do, it's all right to leave.
Yeah, I know. I was just taking a little break.
Fine. See you later.
Maybe it ain't such a bad idea to go back to your room.
I guess this is kind of wack.
We can have a little party in my room...
'cause I don't have classes till Wednesday.
I was thinking maybe you should go by yourself.
Excuse me?
We've been seeing each other every minute.
I thought we just need a little time apart.
Apart?
What are you trying to say? Did you come to break up with me?
No. Look...
I just think you need more time to concentrate on your studying.
That is weak.
- You got a "D" on your last exam. - Did your auntie tell you that?
Did your auntie tell the whole world I got one bad grade?
Kayla, you have a big opportunity here.
I don't wanna have no part of you blowing it.
Yes, it's my big opportunity. That's what everybody keeps telling me.
I do not need to hear it from you.
The answer is "C."
I'm not sure what you're studying...
but I know that with multiple-choice you can't go wrong with "C."
Come on, Kayla. I know I didn't say all right things at the party...
What are you trying to say? You want me to study, I'm studying.
What are you doing here? I just wish everybody would leave me alone.
Can I come in?
I guess that won't be happening tonight.
Kayla, don't be so angry with Will.
I told him that I didn't think you two should spend so much time together.
You did what?
You're not my legal guardian.
How would you feel if someone interfered with your life?
Just face it, Professor...
you fit in here.
I don't.
- I think I should go. - Will, I want you to stay.
Look, I didn't always fit in. Let me tell you both...
Let me tell you something.
I got four older sisters, all of them mamas before they were 18.
None of them finished high school. Everybody's waiting for Kayla.
I'm the last chance for the whole damn family...
and you have no idea what that feels like.
I know what that feels like.
I know what it feels like to clean hotel rooms during the day...
and go to school at night to get the high school diploma I didn't get.
You dropped out of high school?
It's not something I'm proud of, but I did it.
My whole family was counting on me, too...
but I couldn't handle the pressure...
so ran off with some guy and quit school.
By the time I realized I'd made a mistake, it was too late.
I was left with no education and nothing I was qualified to do.
It took me years to get back.
If you wonder why I seem to fit so well here...
it's because I worked damn hard to get here...
and I know I deserve it.
Your problem is that you don't know you deserve it.
Will knows it and I know it...
but unless you know it there is nothing more I can say.
See you at home, Will.
Man...
I didn't know Aunt Viv cleaned hotel rooms.
Wonder how come she never cleaned my room.
You all right, babe?
It's scary here.
Come on. You're going to make it.
Look, I'm telling you. If there's anything I can do...
or not do, I will do...
or not do.
That sounds good.
I got three weeks of goofing off to make up for...
so I'm gonna hit the books.
Yeah. I'll stay out of your way.
We both have a new leaf to turn over, huh?
Yeah, you're right.
- I'll call you? - Okay.
Later, baby.
Later.
Out!
English